Well here I am, at the end of my 40-day challenge. It has been an interesting experience to say the least. I've had to make a lot of changes, both physically and mentally. I've also really had to sit down and think about what I'm really striving for. I started out this challenge with a dream weight in mind. When I closed my eyes and pictured me at this perfect weight I could see what my body would look like, see what types of clothes would look good, and what size of clothes I would be buying.
Now that I'm at the other end of the challenge, I realize how not all of those images match up in real life. I am far far far from reaching that goal weight, in fact I've gained a few pounds back up from my benchmark weight. It's as if my body absolutely refuses to go any lower on the scale. While this is normally frustrating and causes me to get stressed and depressed, I see it differently now. I honestly think it's a sign that my body is done. At least in terms of pounds for the time being. I still want to improve my body by tightening and toning different areas, possibly shrinking some and adding muscles to others. But that's it. Like my friend Emily said to me yesterday, "You are there". It's been a struggle to realize that maybe I'm done with the weight loss part and can just relax and enjoy maintaining my current size and shape.
It has taken me awhile to mull this over and some moments I am accepting of it and others I'm not so sure. It's almost like I'm waiting on a timer to tell me I'm finished. I thought by setting the goal weight that that would be my sign, my final buzzer to let me know I had made it. But life isn't that easy. Sometimes the signs you were waiting for don't come, but others around you let you know what you need. Like the fact that I don't want to have to buy a smaller size than I currently am? Yeah, like that one. There is absolutely no need for me to go any smaller in pants considering my height, body shape, and age. It would just be craziness. So if I don't want to wear a smaller size, then why am I pushing myself to be extreme and wanting to lose more weight? I don't need to be, and I need to start phasing out some behaviors (such as constantly counting my calories) and thinking of healthy maintaing behaviors to replace those "must lose weight" behaviors.
So my goal after this challenge is to stay at my current weight and to stay at my current size. I will continue to work out and eat healthy so that I feel good and am happy. But with that, I will not be so hard on myself if I have a few bad days here and there. I will not avoid social situations because I can't have a drink or junk food. I am going to give this a shot, but I think it's going to take me some time to switch into coast mode. I might have to make myself come back and read this post often to remind myself. So regardless of the results from my final measurements and placing in the competition. I am happy with the work I've done. I'm happy with my body and I'm happy with the work I've put in physically and emotionally.
I couldn't have done this without everyone's support and encouragement. So thank you for joining me in my weight loss adventure and total transformation posts!
Workouts:
Friday/38 - Body Pump - 1 hour
Saturday/39 - Pilates - 1 hour
Treats:
Let's face it I've been enjoying the wine as of late. I also made my weight watcher pumpkin muffins last night and while I was baking I found a bag of chocolate chips. I thought to myself "CHOCOLATE!!!!! SCORE!!!" And then calmly rationalized with myself that by only putting a few chips on each muffin I was still being healthy and getting a little treat. Welp, that worked until I remembered the remaining chocolate chips sitting in the cupboard tonight.....it's like my hand has a mind of it's own and keeps reaching in the bag. I keep telling myself to stop, but I can't!!!! Seriously not a good time to binge on chocolate considering I get my final measurements tomorrow morning....ooooops.
P.S. While I meant everything I said above, I'd still really enjoy the satisfaction of winning a bike and cash prize. So if you are feeling extra generous with your prayers, maybe send one my way with the big guy, eh?
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