Well here I am, at the end of my 40-day challenge. It has been an interesting experience to say the least. I've had to make a lot of changes, both physically and mentally. I've also really had to sit down and think about what I'm really striving for. I started out this challenge with a dream weight in mind. When I closed my eyes and pictured me at this perfect weight I could see what my body would look like, see what types of clothes would look good, and what size of clothes I would be buying.
Now that I'm at the other end of the challenge, I realize how not all of those images match up in real life. I am far far far from reaching that goal weight, in fact I've gained a few pounds back up from my benchmark weight. It's as if my body absolutely refuses to go any lower on the scale. While this is normally frustrating and causes me to get stressed and depressed, I see it differently now. I honestly think it's a sign that my body is done. At least in terms of pounds for the time being. I still want to improve my body by tightening and toning different areas, possibly shrinking some and adding muscles to others. But that's it. Like my friend Emily said to me yesterday, "You are there". It's been a struggle to realize that maybe I'm done with the weight loss part and can just relax and enjoy maintaining my current size and shape.
It has taken me awhile to mull this over and some moments I am accepting of it and others I'm not so sure. It's almost like I'm waiting on a timer to tell me I'm finished. I thought by setting the goal weight that that would be my sign, my final buzzer to let me know I had made it. But life isn't that easy. Sometimes the signs you were waiting for don't come, but others around you let you know what you need. Like the fact that I don't want to have to buy a smaller size than I currently am? Yeah, like that one. There is absolutely no need for me to go any smaller in pants considering my height, body shape, and age. It would just be craziness. So if I don't want to wear a smaller size, then why am I pushing myself to be extreme and wanting to lose more weight? I don't need to be, and I need to start phasing out some behaviors (such as constantly counting my calories) and thinking of healthy maintaing behaviors to replace those "must lose weight" behaviors.
So my goal after this challenge is to stay at my current weight and to stay at my current size. I will continue to work out and eat healthy so that I feel good and am happy. But with that, I will not be so hard on myself if I have a few bad days here and there. I will not avoid social situations because I can't have a drink or junk food. I am going to give this a shot, but I think it's going to take me some time to switch into coast mode. I might have to make myself come back and read this post often to remind myself. So regardless of the results from my final measurements and placing in the competition. I am happy with the work I've done. I'm happy with my body and I'm happy with the work I've put in physically and emotionally.
I couldn't have done this without everyone's support and encouragement. So thank you for joining me in my weight loss adventure and total transformation posts!
Workouts:
Friday/38 - Body Pump - 1 hour
Saturday/39 - Pilates - 1 hour
Treats:
Let's face it I've been enjoying the wine as of late. I also made my weight watcher pumpkin muffins last night and while I was baking I found a bag of chocolate chips. I thought to myself "CHOCOLATE!!!!! SCORE!!!" And then calmly rationalized with myself that by only putting a few chips on each muffin I was still being healthy and getting a little treat. Welp, that worked until I remembered the remaining chocolate chips sitting in the cupboard tonight.....it's like my hand has a mind of it's own and keeps reaching in the bag. I keep telling myself to stop, but I can't!!!! Seriously not a good time to binge on chocolate considering I get my final measurements tomorrow morning....ooooops.
P.S. While I meant everything I said above, I'd still really enjoy the satisfaction of winning a bike and cash prize. So if you are feeling extra generous with your prayers, maybe send one my way with the big guy, eh?
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Transformation Challenge: Days 35-37
As far as the challenge goes, I've accepted defeat and have just been playing along for fun. I'm still working out every day to make the mini challenge of attending the gym 30 out of 40 days, but I'm not stressing out anymore. I need to relax a bit and focus on the other issues in my life, oh like this stressful quarter, preparing for a future, and battling the entire institution of UC.
Warning: The contents below may not be suitable for those that fear a redheaded temper.
Let me just start off by saying that my entire time at the University of Cincinnati, I have felt cheated. Every aspect that drew me to their campus and program has turned out to be misleading and disappointing. I have constantly had to "fight" to get what I am paying for and I have been punished by taking classes that are taught by lazy professors and courses that do not address what a school counselor needs. I will not even begin to go off on the dishonesty about the scholarship fiasco. I have sympathy for you all, I really do, so I'll just jump to my problems this quarter....aka week 1 of Spring quarter.
Trying to start off the quarter on the right foot, with a positive mindset I ordered my parking pass early and was all prepared for day one of classes. I get to my parking garage, swipe the pass that I purchased before spring break and received in the mail from Parking Services. hmmm nothing happened. Swipe again. Nothing. Swipe, Swipe, Swipe. You have got to be kidding me. I look around and there is no call button and someone just pulled up behind me and wants in the garage. So I take a ticket and park. Considering my class is about to start and I have to hoof it across campus, I push my frustration aside and make it to class just in the nick of time. Of course the parking services office closes while I'm in class so I have to wait to deal with them tomorrow, but tomorrow is the same situation and yet again I pay to park for a lot I already have a pass for.
Well today I had a little more time to make it to campus early enough to get my issue resolved. I call parking services on my way to campus to explain that my pass is not working and can they activate it for me. Immediately I get attitude. No wait, let me properly accentuate that, ATTITUDE. She has the audacity to tell me that it's probably because I "waited" to use it until a few days in.... please do not even go there. So I get frustrated and tell her I will be in in a few minutes to address this issue in person. Again I take a ticket and march to the parking office.
While dealing with these women, I get not one ounce of respect from either lady that spoke to me. They are irritated that I want a refund and they try to scold me for taking a ticket in the first place. "Why didn't you push the call button?" Um there was no call button at my entrance. "Why didn't you go the the other entrance, you should have used the call button, you shouldn't have taken a ticket" I was scolded over and over again. I bit my tongue and held back how I really wanted to respond and told them matter of factly that there was no call button, there was no sign explaining where I should go to find the call button, and I already paid for my parking pass and was running late to class, I should not have to even be in this situation. This was followed by an eye roll and large sigh. The ladies then refused to look at me, speak to me, or give an ounce of respect while they hand wrote out paperwork to file before they reimbursed my $13.00 in parking passes I paid this week. I was then given a new parking pass and not a single "we are sorry" was uttered. I was irrate. Like hands shaking I'm so mad to be treated so rudely when I was not the one at fault.
Insert frustrating class, binge at cafeteria, long but interesting school law class, walk across campus to parking garage with new pass....and Action!
Drive up to gate, swipe....nothing. Swipe....nothing....Swipe! REDHEAD TEMPER Explosion!!!!!! I will not even bother to assault your poor little innocent eyes/ears with what proceeded through my head. All you need to know is that I drove to the other exit and pushed the ever so loved "call button". I explained to the security guard tucked in safe away from the garage / my temper that my pass was not working and I needed out. He tried to activate the pass without success. He then told me it was "expired". I explained I had just received it that day after taking a ticket. He told me "well that's why, you shouldn't have taken a ticket". At this point I was done. It was 9:30pm and I wanted off of that campus before I completely broke down in tears. I said I would take care of this at a later date, please let me out. His response? "Well I suppose I can let you out tonight, just this one time", but you really need to get this fixed". I'll let your imagination figure out how that sat with me.
Guess who is getting a phone call tomorrow? You might want to add the UC parking service personnel to your prayers tonight. They might just need it after I'm through with my end of the conversation. Just saying.
Workouts:
Tuesday/ 35 - 1- hour cardio attack. More like heart attack!
Wednesday/ 36- 1 hour zumba class.
Thursday 37 - 1 hour of yoga. I skipped boxing because I decided to make school work more of a priority this quarter. I think I needed the boxing more though considering how well this quarter is going emotionally...
Cheats:
Today I ate in the UC dining hall because our friend works there and had extra swipes and we wanted to eat in between our 5 hours of class. I was close to having an emotional breakdown induced by UC so I gave in and ate like a college student. I resisted the pizza and had had stuffed pepper and chicken pot pie. I did however, make sure to have a brownie with ice cream. I think it doesn't count though. I mean, I did eat broccoli spears to make up for it. Plus when you are having an emotional breakdown calories don't count. I think I read that somewhere...
Oh and the class of wine I'm currently nursing is medicinal. I'm pretty sure a doctor would prescribe it to me. In fact this glass of wine is saving lives. Fact.
Warning: The contents below may not be suitable for those that fear a redheaded temper.
Let me just start off by saying that my entire time at the University of Cincinnati, I have felt cheated. Every aspect that drew me to their campus and program has turned out to be misleading and disappointing. I have constantly had to "fight" to get what I am paying for and I have been punished by taking classes that are taught by lazy professors and courses that do not address what a school counselor needs. I will not even begin to go off on the dishonesty about the scholarship fiasco. I have sympathy for you all, I really do, so I'll just jump to my problems this quarter....aka week 1 of Spring quarter.
Trying to start off the quarter on the right foot, with a positive mindset I ordered my parking pass early and was all prepared for day one of classes. I get to my parking garage, swipe the pass that I purchased before spring break and received in the mail from Parking Services. hmmm nothing happened. Swipe again. Nothing. Swipe, Swipe, Swipe. You have got to be kidding me. I look around and there is no call button and someone just pulled up behind me and wants in the garage. So I take a ticket and park. Considering my class is about to start and I have to hoof it across campus, I push my frustration aside and make it to class just in the nick of time. Of course the parking services office closes while I'm in class so I have to wait to deal with them tomorrow, but tomorrow is the same situation and yet again I pay to park for a lot I already have a pass for.
Well today I had a little more time to make it to campus early enough to get my issue resolved. I call parking services on my way to campus to explain that my pass is not working and can they activate it for me. Immediately I get attitude. No wait, let me properly accentuate that, ATTITUDE. She has the audacity to tell me that it's probably because I "waited" to use it until a few days in.... please do not even go there. So I get frustrated and tell her I will be in in a few minutes to address this issue in person. Again I take a ticket and march to the parking office.
While dealing with these women, I get not one ounce of respect from either lady that spoke to me. They are irritated that I want a refund and they try to scold me for taking a ticket in the first place. "Why didn't you push the call button?" Um there was no call button at my entrance. "Why didn't you go the the other entrance, you should have used the call button, you shouldn't have taken a ticket" I was scolded over and over again. I bit my tongue and held back how I really wanted to respond and told them matter of factly that there was no call button, there was no sign explaining where I should go to find the call button, and I already paid for my parking pass and was running late to class, I should not have to even be in this situation. This was followed by an eye roll and large sigh. The ladies then refused to look at me, speak to me, or give an ounce of respect while they hand wrote out paperwork to file before they reimbursed my $13.00 in parking passes I paid this week. I was then given a new parking pass and not a single "we are sorry" was uttered. I was irrate. Like hands shaking I'm so mad to be treated so rudely when I was not the one at fault.
Insert frustrating class, binge at cafeteria, long but interesting school law class, walk across campus to parking garage with new pass....and Action!
Drive up to gate, swipe....nothing. Swipe....nothing....Swipe! REDHEAD TEMPER Explosion!!!!!! I will not even bother to assault your poor little innocent eyes/ears with what proceeded through my head. All you need to know is that I drove to the other exit and pushed the ever so loved "call button". I explained to the security guard tucked in safe away from the garage / my temper that my pass was not working and I needed out. He tried to activate the pass without success. He then told me it was "expired". I explained I had just received it that day after taking a ticket. He told me "well that's why, you shouldn't have taken a ticket". At this point I was done. It was 9:30pm and I wanted off of that campus before I completely broke down in tears. I said I would take care of this at a later date, please let me out. His response? "Well I suppose I can let you out tonight, just this one time", but you really need to get this fixed". I'll let your imagination figure out how that sat with me.
Guess who is getting a phone call tomorrow? You might want to add the UC parking service personnel to your prayers tonight. They might just need it after I'm through with my end of the conversation. Just saying.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Transformation Challenge: Days 33-34
Sunday was a recovery day for me. I wasn't very good but I wasn't all that bad either. I skipped a workout yet again, but didn't go hog wild at the breakfast buffet. I was "bad" by having a bagel with cream cheese, but ate relatively healthy the rest of the day. I was really tired from a great long weekend and just took the day as a time to prepare for the upcoming week.
Today I was pretty good for the most part, as I stuck to eating healthy and got in a workout. Let me tell you, taking a break from working out is a horrible idea. Barre was pretty difficult for me today and my legs still feel a little weak. I did go for the highest weights, but still...I should not have found it that hard! Lesson learned, just keep working out at all costs! It's so hard to jump back in!
Today was a very long and challenging day for me emotionally as it was my first day working as an intern in the schools. I experienced a lot of crazy things in the counseling office and so for that I'm treating myself to a glass of vino and going to bed early before heading to the gym bright and early.
Workout:
Barre - 1 hour
Treat:
Wine
Lesson:
Maybe I will never hit my magic "number". My scale is pretty stubborn and really refuses to move towards my goal weight. Just when I thought it was caving, it jumped backwards. Maybe I need to be ok with this number it is set on.
Today I was pretty good for the most part, as I stuck to eating healthy and got in a workout. Let me tell you, taking a break from working out is a horrible idea. Barre was pretty difficult for me today and my legs still feel a little weak. I did go for the highest weights, but still...I should not have found it that hard! Lesson learned, just keep working out at all costs! It's so hard to jump back in!
Today was a very long and challenging day for me emotionally as it was my first day working as an intern in the schools. I experienced a lot of crazy things in the counseling office and so for that I'm treating myself to a glass of vino and going to bed early before heading to the gym bright and early.
Workout:
Barre - 1 hour
Treat:
Wine
Lesson:
Maybe I will never hit my magic "number". My scale is pretty stubborn and really refuses to move towards my goal weight. Just when I thought it was caving, it jumped backwards. Maybe I need to be ok with this number it is set on.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Transformation Challenge: Days 31-32
Humble Pie. I ate a lot of it. Well figuratively. I ate a lot of cookies, cheese, and appetizers literally too. Oh and drank a lot of champagne. But it was a bachelorette party and you can't really eat a salad a sit in the corner with water at a wine tasting. So I sucked it up, participated and tried not to whine about my body too much. I'm sure I complained about gaining back weight and complained how I was being bad and not following my rules, but I think I did pretty well. I didn't want to cry when I thought about how much I've messed up and how I didn't work out Saturday. So that's good right?
Friday I behaved pretty well. I stayed within my calorie limits and I managed to make it back to BFF for an hour of chickboxing. Sweating out my frustrations felt good and made me feel like I was getting back on track. But then Saturday brought one of my best friend's bachelorette parties and I just had to detour for that. I guess I don't feel so guilty about this weekend because it was one of my planned cheat weekends. So I think I handled these slip ups better emotionally than I did on vacation.
I've also been really realizing and digesting how emotional weight loss can be. I can't really describe what is so strange for me, but it has been messing with my head. I find myself feeling that I look the same, yet later see my shadow and feel shocked that it is so much smaller than it used to be. Or the fact that I almost burst into tears when I was trying on clothes in the dressing room and ended up buying jeans 2 sizes smaller than the last ones I had purchased. I should have been elated yet found myself emotional and confused. I guess it just takes some time to adjust and to accept things. I also think that after this emotional shock I self sabotaged. In a way I think I scared myself that I was a certain size and hadn't realized it yet. So I intentionally started eating bad things to gain weight back and hide. But why would I want to do that?!
I can't figure it out. But I think I'm dealing with some insecurity issues that are resurfacing in strange ways. I suppose any big change can be stressful and emotionally draining and when your body goes through a big change it is just as important as moving across the country or changing careers. I need to be more patient with my whole self and remember I'm just human and need time for everything to come together. I'm so lucky to have so many supportive and amazing people in my life though. I really can't thank everyone enough for encouraging me to make healthy choices and for also being a support system when I get a little down about mistakes. Your encouraging comments come just at the time I need a little boost. You guys have been keeping me from giving up and bailing ship and from crying about my failures with a tub of ice cream. It's time to brush off the past week or so and focus on the remaining week of the challenge. I might not win the bike after all but this has been a great learning experience and that will just have to be my reward.
Friday I behaved pretty well. I stayed within my calorie limits and I managed to make it back to BFF for an hour of chickboxing. Sweating out my frustrations felt good and made me feel like I was getting back on track. But then Saturday brought one of my best friend's bachelorette parties and I just had to detour for that. I guess I don't feel so guilty about this weekend because it was one of my planned cheat weekends. So I think I handled these slip ups better emotionally than I did on vacation.
I've also been really realizing and digesting how emotional weight loss can be. I can't really describe what is so strange for me, but it has been messing with my head. I find myself feeling that I look the same, yet later see my shadow and feel shocked that it is so much smaller than it used to be. Or the fact that I almost burst into tears when I was trying on clothes in the dressing room and ended up buying jeans 2 sizes smaller than the last ones I had purchased. I should have been elated yet found myself emotional and confused. I guess it just takes some time to adjust and to accept things. I also think that after this emotional shock I self sabotaged. In a way I think I scared myself that I was a certain size and hadn't realized it yet. So I intentionally started eating bad things to gain weight back and hide. But why would I want to do that?!
I can't figure it out. But I think I'm dealing with some insecurity issues that are resurfacing in strange ways. I suppose any big change can be stressful and emotionally draining and when your body goes through a big change it is just as important as moving across the country or changing careers. I need to be more patient with my whole self and remember I'm just human and need time for everything to come together. I'm so lucky to have so many supportive and amazing people in my life though. I really can't thank everyone enough for encouraging me to make healthy choices and for also being a support system when I get a little down about mistakes. Your encouraging comments come just at the time I need a little boost. You guys have been keeping me from giving up and bailing ship and from crying about my failures with a tub of ice cream. It's time to brush off the past week or so and focus on the remaining week of the challenge. I might not win the bike after all but this has been a great learning experience and that will just have to be my reward.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Transformation Challenge: Days 29-30
I am having a hard time even getting myself to write this post. I'm so upset with myself and where I stand with this challenge. The last post was me letting myself off the hook just a little to enjoy life and vacation. Well I feel like I completely jumped ship and just went all out. I started ordering whatever I wanted at the restaurant because I was tired of being picky. I gave up on working out because I don't like running and especially by myself. I also realized I'm super stressed about starting next quarter. Stress creates anxiety for me and so I fell into my old habit of soothing with food. How could I let myself fall backwards so much in one week?
Yesterday was my low point. I went on a haunted pub tour and had a handful of beers and then decided that I really needed this giant greasy slice of pizza at midnight. It tasted so good at the time, but i'm definitely paying for it now. I was in the car for 12 hours today and my stomach was in knots and pain for about 7 of those hours. And to top it off? I get home and step on the scale. I pretty much gained all the weight I worked so hard to lose over the last couple of weeks back. As in my scale now says the same number it did at the start of the challenge. As in, I just ruined all my hard work with some mediocre food because I was on "vacation". Stupid stupid stupid mistake. I should go out and run forever to make myself feel better, but I can't. I think I'm going to just go to bed and pray that I will feel better about myself in the morning and have the strength to brush myself off and get back on track.
Yesterday was my low point. I went on a haunted pub tour and had a handful of beers and then decided that I really needed this giant greasy slice of pizza at midnight. It tasted so good at the time, but i'm definitely paying for it now. I was in the car for 12 hours today and my stomach was in knots and pain for about 7 of those hours. And to top it off? I get home and step on the scale. I pretty much gained all the weight I worked so hard to lose over the last couple of weeks back. As in my scale now says the same number it did at the start of the challenge. As in, I just ruined all my hard work with some mediocre food because I was on "vacation". Stupid stupid stupid mistake. I should go out and run forever to make myself feel better, but I can't. I think I'm going to just go to bed and pray that I will feel better about myself in the morning and have the strength to brush myself off and get back on track.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Transformation Challenge on Spring Break: Days 24-28
Lesson: NEVER EVER EVER go on vacation while on a Challenge. You will end up in one of 2 predicaments. 1) You will stay strict to your diet and exercise plans and be tortured as you see all these wonderful foods and things to try or 2) You will give up on being strict and enjoy yourself. I will let you guess which one I've entered into.
I'm not happy with myself about it, but yet it's so difficult to stay on a tight schedule. It's hard to remember to take my vitamins 30 min before I eat when I'm not sure where or when we are eating. I went running once, but we walk so much during the day that my knee is bothering me and I just can't lace up my sneakers when we get home at night. These all sound like horrible excuses even to myself, but I'm only human. I will say that I have tried to make smarter decisions than completely falling off the wagon, but I've had to pretty much resign myself to the fact that I will not be the big winner of the challenge and the bike. Sad face.
The important thing to remember for me is that I have a fitness goal and it is a long term goal. I might not meet it by the end of this 40 day challenge but I have been making strides to get there in a safe and healthy way. So say a little prayer for me and my will-power as I get through the rest of my time in Savannah, Georgia aka the land of Paula Deen, butter, and fried food. And hopefully those prayers will carry me through a next weekend with a bachelorette party in Columbus.
Treats:
Leopald's icecream, cocktails, fish tacos, cupcake, peach cobbler oh my!
Workouts:
Walking, walking, walking, and a three mile run.
Oh I also have to do a few yoga flows every morning considering I've not had the best sleeping arrangements.
I'm not happy with myself about it, but yet it's so difficult to stay on a tight schedule. It's hard to remember to take my vitamins 30 min before I eat when I'm not sure where or when we are eating. I went running once, but we walk so much during the day that my knee is bothering me and I just can't lace up my sneakers when we get home at night. These all sound like horrible excuses even to myself, but I'm only human. I will say that I have tried to make smarter decisions than completely falling off the wagon, but I've had to pretty much resign myself to the fact that I will not be the big winner of the challenge and the bike. Sad face.
The important thing to remember for me is that I have a fitness goal and it is a long term goal. I might not meet it by the end of this 40 day challenge but I have been making strides to get there in a safe and healthy way. So say a little prayer for me and my will-power as I get through the rest of my time in Savannah, Georgia aka the land of Paula Deen, butter, and fried food. And hopefully those prayers will carry me through a next weekend with a bachelorette party in Columbus.
Treats:
Leopald's icecream, cocktails, fish tacos, cupcake, peach cobbler oh my!
Workouts:
Walking, walking, walking, and a three mile run.
Oh I also have to do a few yoga flows every morning considering I've not had the best sleeping arrangements.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Transformation Challenge: Day 23
As of this evening at oh say 9:45pm, I officially entered my Spring Break. I submitted my final project and am just going to forget about this past quarter completely. It hasn't been my favorite in the least, so I'm ready to enjoy spring break and get a fresh perspective before coming back to spring quarter.
It's midnight and I have to be up early in the morning. So why am I still up if I already turned in my assignment? Well my suitcase won't pack itself. Believe me, I have often sat and stared at it just waiting...but it never happens. So the past couple of hours I have been "packing". While usually I have huge piles of things I want to wear and can't narrow down to a reasonable about of outfit options, today was different. I started going through my surplus of warm weather clothing to find that nothing fits. I tried on every pair of capris or shorts to just pull them straight off, zippered and buttoned up. So now I have a huge pile of clothes on my bed, but they aren't going into my suitcase they are a donation pile. But have no fear, I still managed to pack my suitcase to the brim....errr and about 4 other various bags of needs. My suitcase contains enough workout outfits for the week, because I'm still on a challenge remember. That means it is Spring Break Boot Camp. I'm sure there will be many cheats, shopping trips, and beach days in there as well, but I need to stay on track. So that is why I have another bag already packed. It's full of my vitamins, meal replacement/protein shakes, and some healthy food to keep me on track while on the road. Oh and those other bags? They are important to I promise. Just because I'm on spring break doesn't mean I don't have school work to do. My backpack is filled to the brim just waiting for me to get planning for practicum.
I must admit that the "Hey I'm on vacation!" feeling has already kicked it. This could be trouble because automatically I reached for the wine and dessert. I felt a little out of control, but I toned it down by allowing myself a wine spritzer (that who am I kidding did not taste very good nor make me feel better that I wasn't having a full glass of wine). I also had my usual fudge pop ala pb but I added a banana. I wish I could take that back. The banana totally ruined it and now I feel gross. So this is a good lesson to keep me focused on this trip. Cheat only when it is worth it and in moderation. (Then hit the workouts extra hard). So on that note, I'm going to head to bed and get ready to start my day off at work with a little Body Pump.
Today's Workouts:
Yoga - 1 hour
Boxing Class - 45 min
Treat:
Besides the aforementioned cheats, I also treated myself to a spray tan. Right now I'm looking like I belong in the caribbean, but it should tone down tomorrow when I shower. Then I'm really ready for vacay!
Lesson:
Don't add banana to the fudge pop / pb / cool whip goodness. Also, don't book a spray tan on days that it decides to rain. Hopefully my raindrop spots go away hahaha.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)