Mental Health Day

Due to the unfortunate chain of events that happened last weekend (please refer to previous posts) and work frustrations, I headed the advice from some concerned friends to take a "mental health day". Aka play hooky from work (Technically it isn't playing hooky as I can use my PTO days any way I like, but it makes me sound more bad ass if I say it like that). For once, it was convenient timing where work didn't NEED me that day and I decided I deserved a day of "relaxation" to make up for the stressful Sunday. Most people would sit around in the pjs all day and watch Judge Judy or something to that effect in order to recharge

and gain back their mental health. I, on the other hand, decided to "bake my feelings".

The day started off alright. I only slept in a little (due to a horrid dream where I failed the math portion of the GRE...can you tell I'm worried?), made some coffee, and sat down to blog part two of my worst day ever tale.

I then made a grocery list and ran to the store to stock up on supplies. While cruising through the aisles, I decided that I don't make a real dinner enough (why would I when cereal is oh so delicious and convenient?). Lasagna popped into my head and I started picking up the

necessary ingredients. It had been some time since I baked a lasagna so I had to get a little help from my mom to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything. (I swear I always end up calling her

when I'm in the grocery story. It usually goes like this "Hi Mom, if you were bread crumbs,

where would you be hiding in the grocery store?").

After my adventure to the store, I went straight to the kitchen, put on my apron that Sarah cross stitched just for me and got to work. So far this story might seem like a pretty good mental health day. Coffee, writing, errands, and a little baking. You would be right if I was a sane person. But no, oh no, I am not. I can't just relax and make a little batch of cookies. I decide to jump off the high dive straight into the deep end of insanity.

I baked up a storm. Literally. You should have seen the kitchen.

It started off with lasagna. So I made the noodles, browned the meat, mixed the cheeses, chopped the parsley, layered it together and cooked it half way (I was saving it for the next day's dinner).

While this was going on, I was letting bread dough rise, because I decided to make 3 pans of cinnamon rolls. (Must have been an attempted to get back at Sunday when they were locked inside).

While the lasagna was in the oven, and the bread dough was rising, I whipped up some banana bread since my roommate, Emily, said I could have the bananas she bought.

And then sugar cookie dough.

And then I made the bread dough into yummy cinnamon rolls,

Let them rise,

and baked them.

Then I rolled out dozens of sugar cookies (using a portion of my dear cookie cutter collection).

I told you I was insane.

It was quite a balancing act in the kitchen. I was in the zone. Disaster zone? Maybe, but I didn't care. (Told you I'm bad ass).

Mid the manic bake fest, my friend Heather stopped by. As she was watching me buzz around the kitchen, she looked at me and asked "Are YOU OK?". My friends know me so well, and I think I scared her with my mental health day AND extreme bake mode turned on high.I assured her that I was really fine. I just needed to bake. And then that got me thinking, why do I bake so

much? Especially to deal with emotions? The obvious reason is the long line of amazing bakers in my family. Baking was something I grew up doing. (Literally, I just watched an old home movie where I was baking cookies when I was 3). But the reason I think I'm drawn to the kitchen during times of stress, is to block out the thinking. I'm concentrating on the recipe (sometimes defiantly straying) and creating something yummy and positive to put back out in

the world. I don't have time to let my brain over analyze everything. Because I do that...for

everything. It's so difficult to stop, unless I'm in the kitchen.

So although, it might have appeared that I went insane (and believe me I stopped midway and questioned myself as well - when I looked up and saw the pile of dishes),

I think I was really just getting it all out by forcing myself to shut off my mind for one day. My feet didn't get a break on the day off as they were standing on tile for 8 hours, but thankfully my brain did and that was exactly the point.

Because Heather is such a great friend, she brought some champagne to celebrate a day of Mental Health with me. So we toasted to dealing with the real world and sipped the bubbly as I rolled out the cookies and Heather documented the experience so artistically.

I pretended to throw a dough heart at her

Then she pretended to throw it back at me

Then she really did...

right down my shirt.

And then we laughed really hard.

So at the conclusion of my Mental Health day, I felt confident that I has put enough warm gooey positive things back out into the world to make up for my dark cloud days. I fed some warm treats to Heather and my roommates and in the morning sent off half of the baked goods to the Fiesta Bowl offices and took the other half to the Ballet for my colleagues. The compliments were more than generous and all was good in the world again...

...But just in case you were wondering, the dark cloud made an appearance as I was doing the dishes and I knocked over and subsequently broke a glass vase. (Darn you, dark cloud...)

Contact VH1, This was the WORST DAY EVER (part 2)

A thought came to my mind as I sat on a stranger's couch. My car was parked out front. In the sales office spot. That was clearly marked that was off limits during office hours. Go figure that I was able to get a visitor's spot all weekend until Saturday night when I had to park in a restricted spot. I planned on moving it before 10 because I'd be going to dance anyways. Hmmm, just a slight little problem now. I could just imagine seeing my car towed off into theblinding sun as I sat helpless. (Because OF COURSE I only have one key. I mean, really). Melissa, bless her heart, wrote a note with her phone number begging the office to not tow my car as I was having a series of unfortunate events and was not able to move it. We dropped it in the overnight box and crossed our fingers.

As I was thanking Melissa for the millionth time for saving me from an excruciating sunburn and possible heat stroke, I see the beautiful sight of Veronica's Toyota pull into the parking lot. The first thing out of Veronica's mouth? "Things like this only happen to you and my brother, Mark. You have a dark cloud over you". It took me off guard for a second (only a second)

because then I realized she is totally right. Bad things happen to everyone at some point, but the odd unexplainable chain of unfortunate events usually just happen to me (and Mark).

We searched around the outside of the building one more time, just in case Veronica could pick a screen door or something and then we got into the air conditioned car. We headed back to our apartment, dog proofed the place and then collapsed on the couch out of exhaustion and shock. If you have never been to AZ in the middle of the summer, you wouldn't understand. But there is something so intense about the heat that a short trip to your car can cause exhaustion. Trying to break into someone's home for a couple hours off and on in the heat? Double that exhaustion.

My "relaxing" didn't last long. I'm a baker. I bake when I'm stressed, upset, or really happy. I headed to the kitchen and Mia and I whipped up some chocolate croissants.

Then back to the couch to discuss the events of the day (and try to laugh off the absurdity) and wait for the spare key. Jordan's mother-in-law was on her way back from Prescott and would use her spare key to let me in at 6:0o pm. That would give me just enough time to tiddy up the condo and pick up Chris and Jordan from the arrivals gate.

The call came and we packed up Mia (who was so anxious to be in her own domain, poor dog probably thought we were kidnapping her or something). I was so thankful for all the help and anxious to let everyone return back to their normal Sunday life without having to save me. When we got in the car, I did something really stupid. Like, really really stupid. Have you ever just been so frustrated that you throw your hands up in the air and ask the universe "What else could go wrong?! or be a little defiant like me and say "What else do you have to throw at me,( aka bring it on)". Here's a little hint. Never, ever (under any circumstances) do that. The

Universe does not appreciate being challenged.

Not more than 5 minutes later did Veronica's phone ring. It was Jordan saying that Nancy (the mother-in-law) was at the house with the key. But, (here's the kicker) "Did Rachel bolt the door by any chance?". As I heard the words coming out of Veronica's mouth, I'm sure my jaw dropped. If you will kindly remember back to the happier part of this tale, I came home Saturday night and locked the door before I went to bed. Locking the door included using all the locks that they provided on the door. So yes, I not only locked the door, I bolted it, and put the chain across the top. I'm not one to freak out about locks. I don't really think about it or worry about being safe. But they had all the locks! Wouldn't it be weird if I didn't use the locks? I felt responsible for their home and if they felt the need to triple lock, then who was I to not grant their wishes? Turns out, they were there for decoration or something because they too did not feel the need to triple lock. Or so I found out later anyways....oye.

So now the story gets fun. This is the part that the men will perk up (pretty sure that's only you Dad), because it involves big trucks, ladders, tools, and breaking things. And ladies, it's a perk that men in uniform drive the big truck. Too bad when I got locked out in the morning I forgot to bring my makeup and matching clothes...

Anyways, so we get to the house to see Nancy has opened the door a crack but the bolt impedes us still. We try calling a locksmith to find out that they cannot help us one bit. We get word from Jordan and Chris that they took an earlier flight and will deal with it when they get home. Well, I felt horribly guilty to leave this mess upon them when they return at night from their vacations, especially knowing that Chris just ran a half marathon in the morning. From my old

cross country days, I know that one is usually pooped post race. Nancy decided that there had to be a way for someone to fix this, so she calls the fire department. They then tell us to call a different fire department (see nothing is easy when I'm around). Firemen do not usually come to aid breaking and entering. For some reason though, they decided to make an exception in our case. So we wait in the heat. And finally a big yellow fire truck pulls in. And out climb about 5 guys. (gotta focus on the positive)

Poor Mia was terrified of the truck so we hung out by the sliding glass door as the men did their work.

First they tried the door.

Then they tried the sliding glass door.

Then they climbed up to try the second story sliding glass door.

No luck.

A neighbor suggested popping out the kitchen window. So they decided that was the only option. They worked, and worked while Mia and I waited and waited from the other side peeking into the condo from the very locked sliding glass door.

Suddenly, someone is coming through the house to let me in. Hooorrraaaay!! Except, now I see that they didn't enter with luck. My dark cloud complicated things. The window cracked in the process. So the window had to go. But the firemen were tidy and cleaned up their glass pieces, took our names and departed.

At this point, finally getting into the condo, finally having access to my things and knowing that my car didn't get towed, I should have sighed with relief. But the guilt set in. My dark cloud had caused so many people to give up their happy sundays. And now my friends were without a window. Welcome Home Whitlach Family!

I have a feeling that dog sitting is in my past. Everyone should think very very carefully before offering me that job. Now how am I ever going to make money?

I immediately went home to the safety of my own room with a glass of wine. Seriously, what a day. Funny thing was, the next day I found out that I never returned the house key. So guess who was locked out Monday after work? Jordan. Go figure, the dark cloud continues...

Contact VH1, This was the WORST DAY EVER (part 1)

There once was a 25 year old girl who was helping out a friend by dogsitting/condo sitting while her friend and husband took a weekend trip to San Diego. Although the girl was jealous that she was not the one leaving the valley, she decided that the weekend would be a staycation. So as she drove away from the departures gate (honestly, it is just plain cruel to have to drive AWAY from the departures gate. One should be walking into the departures sliding glass doors. anywho...) The girl had red hair and very pale skin. (Ok ok if you haven't guessed it the girl is me and this is a true story).

Saturday was a splendid little staycation day. Jordan had left helfpul coffeepot directions and was sweet enough to leave me baking ingredients and cinnamon rolls for breakfast. (She knows me so well). I went to the farmers market with my friend Chris and then treated myself to the new book I've been waiting to read. I was thinking to myself how all day Sunday would be spent with Mia the dog in the air conditioned condo baking and reading. Doesn't that sound like a nice little Sunday? I sure thought so. (In a movie this is where the "duh duh duh" music would come in).

Saturday night was great as I was lucky enough to get some tickets in a suite for the Cardinal's pres-season game. (I must admit, I was feeling pretty cool at that point). After the game, some friends and I went out for some drinks and then I went home to Mia the dog, locked the front door, set my alarm so I could take Mia out at a decent time, and went to sleep.

When my alarm went off at 8:00 am I reminded myself that I was being responsible for another life and sleeping in was not an option. Also, I was going to be productive and go to a few dance exercise classes. As I rolled out of bed, I hesitated as I reached for my robe. I was just in a slip nightgown, I could easily throw my robe over, sneak out with the dog and then slip back in bed within ten minutes...hmmm tempting. But alas, I decided to semi start my day off early and threw on a bra, running shorts and tank top. They didn't match, but hey the effort of being clothed was a start and I was only taking the dog out to do her business after all. I hardly expected to see anyone else out at that hour anyways (Scottsdale is a young city, I was definitely not the only one out late the night before I'm sure).

So I walk downstairs, throw a longing look at the coffee and cinnamon rolls and grab the leash. In a few minutes the sweet taste of breakfast would be mine. Just a few minutes of responsibility and I could reward myself. The sun was pretty bright to my sleepy eyes and Mia took care of business pretty quickly. It was going to be a scorcher (when isn't it?) and I think Mia was excited to get back into the air conditioned condo as well. One little teeny tiny problem. The sliding glass door (that I had just come out of) wouldn't budge. Oops, I thought to myself. Silly me was so sleepy I was trying to get into the wrong condo. I mean I did just come out of the door and there isn't a way to lock it from the outside after all....wait, no this was Jordan's porch and that is my stuff sitting on the table inside. (Try the door with a little more gusto. Still nothing). That stuff of mine inside? Oh yeah, my phone. With all my contacts. That I do not have memorized (darn you technology!). Oh and my purse that holds my car keys, I.D. and money. Sooooo basically any tool that I would need in order to solve the problem of being locked out of the house. Suddenly I realize just how hot it is outside. Three minutes outside, no problem. Five minutes outside, getting kind of warm. 40 Minutes outside, feeling it! Did I mention it was especially hot this day? Couldn't be a cool 104 degree day, oh no, that would be too easy. It was 111 degrees. And I swear there was some humidity thrown in on top for fun.

I'm starting to feel the panic rise inside. I'm locked out of a condo that the owners are out of town. Any information to contact someone else was in the said locked condo. My keys were locked out of reach so I could not drive to safety. I took a deep breath and thought of my options (after I silently cursed myself for not knowing how to be cool and mcgyver things). I could find a way to climb onto the bedroom balcony and try that door? But I knew it would be locked and I'm not the best with heights. I could cry (I really wanted to do this one, but didn't see how that would help, plus if I saw someone they would run away instead of saving me). Or, I could start walking to my apartment...that would probably take 1.5 hours to complete. In the heat. With no sunscreen. No water. And in flipflops none the less.

Just then I heard the neighbor step outside to smoke. Let me just tell you, I was so happy that she was a smoker. I mean really, they say smoking kills, but they might be lying. In this case, she just saved my life. Because I was about to start a journey that would have surely resulted in a bad sunburn and dehydration. So thank you neighbor Melissa for sacrificing your lungs for my safety.

The euphoria of seeing another human wore off as she offered to let me use her phone...but what number would I dial? Because again, the darn technology is too easy and I don't memorize numbers! After sitting in the poor woman's house for awhile as she tries calling neighbors to help me break in, I realize that I can email my friends' work addresses and they will see it on their phones. I'm so excited at this idea and Melissa turns on her computer. Hmm interesting, not connecting to the internet. What you say? The internet doesn't work when I NEED it as my only form of communication? Why of course! Melissa jokes about how I must be cursed because that was just too many things to go wrong in one scenario. Hahahaha funny joke Melissa, no really, it's funny because...oh god, it's so true.

Luckily (hahah luckily, so funny to use this in this fun little tale) Melissa let me use her blackberry to email Jordan and my roommate Veronica. After waiting, my SOS was recieved and Jordan called to start the rescue process. She called to wake up Veronica and she would come pick me and Mia up until we could find someone with a spare key. Things seemed to be looking up and that dark cloud looming over my head was going to spread apart and let the rays of sunshine start pouring down, right?.....Welllllll..... -to be continued-

Rock n Roll ain't noise pollution...

It's actually great therapy. Now that I can play (or attempt to play) 2 whole rock songs and am learning my 3rd, it's become a great release. It's actually comparable to dance for me. When I'm a work, I just think of the chords and can't wait to get home and practice. Of course, it always sounds way better in my head at work than when I'm actually playing at home...but it will get there one day. And then, I will be so good that I will have my own band. And my band will tour. And then I can quit my job. So then I won't have to sit at work thinking about playing, but get paid to play. Yes yes, I'm liking this very much. If only there was a need for a hesitant and inexperienced genre/sound out there. If that niche ever opens up, I've got it cornered for sure.

Until then, I just pretend I'm Dave Grohl. Watch this with your eyes squinted and pretend along with me.

Mile High

In my attempt to escape the heat of AZ, get some good quality girl time, and visit a new city, I made a quick weekend getaway to Denver. I had never been, but only heard amazing things. I was curious to see what this wonderful city was all about. I must admit, it is pretty spectacular.

Since I'm looking for a new city to live, I found myself rating, weighing, and considering all aspects of Denver throughout our packed trip of activities. Here's my report.

Reasons Denver is a "me" city:

Green all around! Lots of grass, even downtown.

Flowers

Water-creeks and lakes are galore.

Beautiful Weather. It gets the best of both worlds -no humidity and no desert heat stroke. (And I'd get a little taste of winter)

THE NEIGHBORHOODS. So many cute areas with their own boutiques, coffee shops, bars, whatever you need!

The architecture. It's just ascetically pleasing to me.

Pauses:

I am not a super active out doorsy person- I would feel guilty for this laziness compared to everyone else who are constantly on the go hiking, biking, running, etc...but this could be a push I need right?

High Altitude - I'd have to learn to bake all over again!

I would need to get a dog. Everyone else has one, maybe it's a requirement?

I'm guessing the cost of living would be a bit high.

Overall, I didn't feel like I HAD to move to Denver, but it did give me hope that the type of new living environment I need is out there. I think I should keep doing these city visits to compare and find my new locale. Who wants to pay for the next one?

Hot Hot Hot!

Arizona is a tad bit on the warm side - if you consider Excessive Heat Warnings to be warm. If you look at the temperatures for this summer, it really doesn't seem as if it has been as hot as pervious years. That doesn't really do much for you though when you are stuck in the heat constantly. My office a.c. isn't working correctly so I sit in a hot box of over 80 degrees all day...and then walk outside to the 112 degree weather to get in my oven car (be careful with those steering wheels people) and then finally to the safety of my pretty cool apartment. But even to take a walk to the mailbox at night (you know, when things usually cool down) it's exhausting. Just because the sun goes down, does not mean the temp does. We even have been adding humidity into the equation of late. Now really, we only deal with these extreme temps to avoid humidity. You cannot add humidity!

I realized I'm ok with the heat for a little bit and then I hit a wall. Bam! I'm suddenly transformed into a toddler state where I am whiny, and just can't take it. Even eating is unappealing (which only makes me crankier). So if anyone could please send a cold front this way, we Zonies would really really appreciate it. Thank you Kindly.

P.S. Remember this post when everyone is jealous of my nice weather as the rest of you deal with snow ;)

Please Excuse

Oh hello there, remember me? Yeah, it's been awhile. Not sure why I get in those moods where I don't feel like sharing much and then other times you can't get me to shut up, but obviously I was in a bit of a quiet funk for awhile. I don't have any really good excuses except I got caught up in things and daily life stuff. A lot of things have been going on socially, at work, and mentally (in a reflection kind of way, not like a crazy way or anything). Just a little "spring cleaning" and organizing of my thoughts and goals. In my absence I had a little epiphany of sorts. Lately, I've been trying to figure out what side of me to follow. I think I'm a pretty multifaceted person because I like a lot of different things - and things that are complete opposites. Part of me still feels like a country small town girl and the other part of me likes city culture. What one is really me? What one do I chase after? And then the other day I just realized, why do I have to chose? There has to be the right combination out there that fits me. That goes for people and places. So I'm just trying to have a little faith that I will find my fit eventually (and hopefully soon) and then I can stop overanalyzing myself to death :)

See what good stuff you've been missing? Bet you wish I was in my quiet stage a little longer now huh.